Fantasy League Time!!

It's my favorite time of the year. Our boys are about to take the field for opening day against the hosers from up north, the Toronto Blue Jays. Please, like they stand a chance in this year's AL East running!...

Although I'm pretty excited for the MLB season to start (and don't even try to tell me that crap about the "real" opener being in Japan last week...), I'm even more thrilled about fantasy baseball. Yeah, that's right. I'm in a fantasy league this year!

What, you don't think it's fair for the owner of the best friggin' ballclub on the planet to get to play fantasy baseball? Well screw you. My "real" team hasn't won a championship in 7 years, so I figure this is the best shot I have of winning it all.

Anyway, our draft was last night. I can't go into the details because a couple of the other fellas in the league are in hot water with MLB right now and I'm sure they wouldn't want the additional "exposure", if you know what I mean.

I will tell you this though: Everyone figured if they got the first pick they'd go with A-Rod. Not me, baby! I'm tired of that spoiled rotten punk. I can't believe Hank and Cashsuck, er, I mean Cashman, re-signed him. I guess it just goes to show you how out of touch I am these days...

Anyway, back to reading my copy of Canseco's new tell-all tale, Vindicated. Sheesh, if I find any more Yankees in this damned book I'm gonna scream!

We Got Us a New Infielder, Baby!!!

I've been gettin' a lot of questions about where I've been since that last post back in December. Well let me tell you, I've been busy running The New York Friggin' Yankees, that's what! But hey, even the Big Guy gets to enjoy the offseason a bit, so give me some slack you envious losers. And oh, let me set the record straight...I'm not dead! Never have been, never will be. Period.

On a lighter note, you may have already heard the news: We recently signed a great new prospect. You may have heard of him from his previous career. His name is Billy Crystal and he fills a void we've had for a long, long time: The slow, white, aging veteran. The last one we had was Babe Ruth and hey, he wasn't half as funny as Billy.

A couple of folks have told me Crystal is only signed for one preseason ballgame. That's a load of crap. I gave Cashman specific instructions to make this a 5-year deal, minimum. That little prick better not have screwed this one up too.