I've been gettin' a lot of questions about where I've been since that last post back in December. Well let me tell you, I've been busy running The New York Friggin' Yankees, that's what! But hey, even the Big Guy gets to enjoy the offseason a bit, so give me some slack you envious losers. And oh, let me set the record straight...I'm not dead! Never have been, never will be. Period.
On a lighter note, you may have already heard the news: We recently signed a great new prospect. You may have heard of him from his previous career. His name is Billy Crystal and he fills a void we've had for a long, long time: The slow, white, aging veteran. The last one we had was Babe Ruth and hey, he wasn't half as funny as Billy.
A couple of folks have told me Crystal is only signed for one preseason ballgame. That's a load of crap. I gave Cashman specific instructions to make this a 5-year deal, minimum. That little prick better not have screwed this one up too.