Thursday, July 19, 2007

Buying Wins

OK, we've got a mini-winning streak going here and we somehow managed to close the gap with the Red Sox to only 7 games. So what. I'm not impressed and I have zero confidence in this team.

We need wins. As the head honcho around here, I consider it a key part of my job to come up with creative new ways to win. I've even outdone myself this time though...

I asked Cashman this simple question: "What does Tampa Bay have that we need?" What a dumbass. He had no idea. I finally told him, "Wins, you idiot!". They're sitting on 37 wins so far this season and what's it gonna get them in the end? Absolutely nothing! It doesn't matter if they win 30 more games or only 2 more games the rest of the way because they're going to finish in last place.

So now I figure I need to spoon feed my idea to Cashman. I then asked him, "What do we have plenty of that Tampa Bay would love?" Again, he has no clue. "Money!", I tell him. Now he's really getting confused so I have to spell it out for him.

Then I said, "OK, you dimwit, here's what I want you to do: Call up their GM and ask them how much money they'd want for, say, 10 of their wins."

Do you know what he said? "Gee Boss, I don't think we're allowed to buy wins from another team." Do you see the naysayer attitude I have to work with around here? I finally screamed at him and said, "JUST MAKE THE DAMNED CALL!"

I'll let you know how it goes, but if we could get 10 of their wins and give them 10 of our losses, suddenly we're sitting in first place with a 3-game lead! And all of this, courtesy of the most brilliant mind in professional!

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