I'm talking about me, you idiot, not the team! Everyone is speculating that I'm in failing health. To quote Mark Twain, "rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated!" How about that...you don't fire a guy for a week or two and they assume you no longer have a pulse! I'm doing fine, thank you very much.
The ballclub, on the other hand, is on life support. I'm starting to wonder if these clowns could even beat a decent high school squad. 4 hits yesterday! On my freakin' birthday, no less. What a bunch of overpaid spoiled brats.